This is one of the trickier subjects for me to write about as I naively went into separating from my husband thinking that we would both walk away with the friends we had before our marriage and that would be that. Of course it didn’t work that way but it took me by surprise (to say the least) when 2 of my oldest friends, and by oldest, we’re talking 30 years +, decided that they couldn’t be friends with both, me and my ex-husband at the same time.
It took a while to get my head around, especially as my ex-husband and I were striving for an amicable separation and relationship going forward. The friends didn’t see it this way and didn’t want to get involved. In a way, it was ok as I needed to get on with my life and it probably served me well that not everybody in my life was close to both me and my ex. It still hurt that they would strike away 30 years of friendship over a decision I had made (to end my marriage), which did not affect them in any way at all.
So these ‘friends’ effectively disappeared from my life, still seeing my kids when they were with my ex but we had no contact. Then they started to stalk my social media accounts. I had removed them from private accounts such as Facebook but my old blog (now sadly abandoned due to them trolling it) and Instagram and Twitter accounts are public accounts and I didn’t want to have to make them private, just for the sake of 2 difficult people.
Honestly? It’s been a bit soul destroying to find people I had trusted so much behave in this way but hey, if they are the only casualties of my separation and eventual divorce then I can quite comfortably live with that and I don’t think of them that often.
What I really didn’t expect was for 3 people (all of whom I knew previously, but not well) to step up to the mantle and become the 3 very best friends a girl could ask for. Over the last 9 months we have grown closer than I ever thought possible and the friendship that they have given freely has wiped the floor with the 30+ years of friendship I had with the other two. Goes to show, you have to lose something to gain something and it turns out, the loss wasn’t that hard to bear after all.
Images from The Unbounded Spirit Facebook Page.