Ugh. I just can’t seem to get my shit together today. The most frustrating part is that I really don’t know why. I think I’m tired, really, really tired. Or maybe I’m just finding life challenging right now. I don’t know but today is not a good day which is a shame as it has all the formula to be one….. friend who I haven’t seen for over a year making a surprise visit, work coming in thick and fast, kids at school full time, clean house etc.
I guess that’s the issue with PTSD, you never know when it’s going to strike next. One minute you can be absolutely fine and the next, your head is fuzzy, sequencing is hard (anyone else find their house keys in the fridge??) and thoughts are all on the sad/mournful side.
PTSD is not the same as depression, which I am finding out the hard way. I know it sounds crazy but having lived with depression for so long I feel I understand my version of it the best I’m ever going to…. I know what to do, how to help myself and it tends to creep up on me rather than the ‘boom’ that PTSD tends to strike with. If I was going to have a mental image of PTSD it would be carrying a baseball bat as it just hits without any warning. Almost like when life’s getting too good it comes to bat me back into the box. I guess what feels doubly unfair is that depression is something I’ve always had, to do with my thoughts/feelings etc and PTSD is something I got after things that someone else has done to me. Sorry if that’s not very clear but as I said previously, this blog needs to be anonymous so I can’t go into too much detail.
Whilst PTSD attacks can last for a few minutes (hello flashbacks) to days (anxiety, not speaking, feeling awful). Here are my thoughts on how to survive them:
- Listen to music & loudly – silence can be a terrible thing when you’re already spending a lot of time in your own head.
- Get dressed. Seriously. It’s all too tempting to think ‘what’s the point’ and mooch round in pjs. Hit the shower, get dressed, and whilst it’s not a cure all, it does help.
- Get out. Go for a walk, interact with people. No-one’s saying you have to be the life and soul of the party but see a friend for coffee, go for a walk, go to the shops, anything, just get out whilst there is daylight.
- Speak. If you don’t fancy the old fashioned practise of picking up the phone then record a voicenote, send it to a trusted friend. Just use your voice, try and talk it through.
- Eat – It’s probably the last thing you feel like doing but if you don’t feed your body, you won’t be able to feed your soul and get better.
Most of all and this deserves it’s very own space in my little corner of the internet, It will pass, your feelings will change, your sequencing will come back and there are many times that you’ll feel really joyful. My favourite mantra for days like today is: it’s just a bad day. It doesn’t mean you have a bad life.